holiday logic

I should go.

and I would, but I don't want to. 

I know this. because I know what not wanting is. 

It's a face twisted in a pillow. 

lungs desperate for air that doesn't reek 

of old man. not wanting is different than wanting.

but they live together and sharpen each other's sides. 

Like, my back is better suited for a bed because the street is cold. 

and strangers offer unknown desperations.

I should go.

and I would, but I don't want to.

I know this. because I know what not wanting is. 

It’s curling up to the monster you know on christmas

and telling yourself you’ll stay to leave another day.